I woke up finding multiple reasons to be annoyed on the very last day of 2017. My mom left her alarm on and disturbed my sleep; when I gave up sleeping and checked my phone instead, I did not see a message I was expecting… just to name a couple. These triggered an onslaught of negative thoughts, more reasons to feel discontent.
I was ready to have a bad end to this year, but then I surprised myself.
Like in many love affairs, I never intended to actually fall in love with you. It was something that just happened. At first, it was mere good fun: exhilarating, intoxicating, addictive. We had no expectations, except for that we were not meant to last. We greeted each other, set no boundaries, and unreservedly explored the depth of the other.
Details were blurry, but I remember every emotion that surged through me. I was happy. Contemplative. Independent. Confident. Self-conscious. Carefree. I was alive.
I loved who I was when I was with you. And with our love affair, so began mine with life.
Like I said, 2016 was the most confusing period of my life so far.
I got tattoos — three of them. I developed an unlikely obsession with a Korean boy group, Bangtan Sonyeondan (BTS). I questioned my faith. I started thinking that maybe… I didn’t want kids. I suffered from anxiety, especially at work. I was lonely, but wouldn’t reach out to anyone. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I felt like on the brink of depression.
I didn’t know they were signs of what most likely was a quarter-life crisis. This was how the year went by:
Ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking.
I now have a better reading of our situation and need to inform you that we are changing direction.
So, you’ve made your way into the marsh. Welcome!
I made ‘Into the Marsh’ as a memoir of how I continuously try to reclaim my life. And paid quite a hefty sum to secure the domain to cut short any excuse I may have to put it off. “You pay in US dollar every year for this website; you’d better quit lazying around and do something with it!”
You might ask, then, why do I need to reclaim my life? And perhaps, are you in need of doing exactly the same?
IntotheMarsh 