Insecurity

The campaign to find myself 

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As I was recovering from a heartbreak, I confided in my friend Denise how overwhelming it was to think of life as indefinite. You have no idea when it will all end, how many more heartbreaks lie ahead, or if your dreams will ever even come true.

I’m not saying I wish for a terminal illness, but there’s a certain clarity that comes with a definite time frame, like “you have three months to live.” You know exactly how long you need to hold on and can focus on making the most of that time. Perhaps it was because of my background as a consultant. My professional life is structured around campaigns with specific objectives and KPIs to meet in three months, six months, or a year.

Denise said, “So, why not create a campaign for yourself? Give yourself three months to recover and move on.” So, I did.

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Is open relationship for me?

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To someone prone to overthinking and anxiety as myself, consensual non-monogamy including open relationship seems like a recipe for disaster. I am also, however, someone who is curious, likes to challenge myself, and highly values genuine connections.

Why do people do it? Is it for me? Will I ever be able to overcome my own insecurity and jealousy to pull this off?

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A year in my quarter-life crisis

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Woman, back, tunnel

Like I said, 2016 was the most confusing period of my life so far.

I got tattoos — three of them. I developed an unlikely obsession with a Korean boy group, Bangtan Sonyeondan (BTS). I questioned my faith. I started thinking that maybe… I didn’t want kids. I suffered from anxiety, especially at work. I was lonely, but wouldn’t reach out to anyone. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I felt like on the brink of depression.

I didn’t know they were signs of what most likely was a quarter-life crisis. This was how the year went by:

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